Jokes about weight loss

анекдоты про похудение
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Little girls! Remember that PENGUINS are swallows who ate after 18-00!

The wife has gone on diet, well, and I am with it for the company. Late evening, all sleep, and to me to guzzle hunting...
I approach the refrigerator, has got cutlet, I sit down to table and I eat, without turning on at the same time the light.
Here the eldest son approaches kitchen. Well, I have stood that he has not noticed me.
And it has substituted chair to the switch and has turned on the light...
You would see my person when I have seen the wife... from other edge of kitchen table!.

- p thick?
- No.
- But it would be advisable to grow thin, huh?
- You and such are pleasant to me.
- But I do not cause delight, huh?
- You cause delight.
- But not mad, huh?.


- Darling, I have gone on diet therefore I will eat only lobsters, truffles and lobsters!
- Yes that you waste time on trifles! Guzzle money already at once!

- You have so grown thin! It is new diet?
- Yes, carrots, beet and potatoes.
- And what did, cooked or fried?
- Dug!

p very much I love the brother. And he loves me.
Left it to look after the apartment while made business trip. And it to me has built in additional function the refrigerator: once you open door from eight in the evening till six in the morning, the pleasant female voice is distributed:
- Stop guzzling, cow!
I have already lost six kilograms in two months...

The only chance to grow thin by means of green tea is to climb in mountains to bring together him!

I grow thin on three diets at once. On one I do not gorge on.

The nutritionist - to the patient:
- Your diet means, so, here: in day of 300 g of stewed vegetable marrows, 400 g of greens of chicory and how many you want lettuce leaves.
- The doctor, and the hand bell on neck needs to be hung up or it is possible to be grazed so?

And why chocolates turn in such rustling wrapper?
On all apartment it is heard as I grow thin...

Dietitian to the patient:
- What weight at you?
- Now 116 kg, and maximum there were 121 kg.
- And minimum?
- 3 kg 600 g.

Lyusya ate as birdie - half of the weight in day.

Today has tried to put on summer shorts. But the ass was still winter...

The kilograms dumped in the gym patiently waited for me in the refrigerator...

Remember! Opening of the refrigerator after 18:00 turns the princess into pumpkin!

- The major element in diet for weight loss is dream!
- It as?
- In time has not fallen asleep - has eaten too much pies!

At everyone the recipe for happiness. At me on ceiling it is written: "Tomorrow I stop guzzling". Every morning, waking up, I see this text and I think: it is good that tomorrow, but not today.

1) You take a picture of figure
2) Most wildly you guzzle half a year
3) You take a picture once again
4) You change before and after places
5) You post
6) You collect likes
7) You give advice

Constantly I want two things: to grow thin and eat.

To the doctor the fat-pretolstaya aunt comes, at door passes only sideways. The doctor speaks to it:
- The woman, you need to eat less.
- Yes you know, I do not eat at all. p only I eat up behind all:
for the husband, for the son, for the daughter, for grandsons.
- And you get pig.
- Also behind it to eat up?!

Has risen on scales... laxative tea, of course, yields the results... but to model to me still to shit and shit...

Strictly I keep to diet: in the morning yogurt, during the lunchtime tea with lemon, for dinner - light salad from meat, sausages, sour creams, pelmeni, chicken, rolls and fish...

- Tell, the doctor what exercises are useful to weight loss?
- p I recommend to you to turn the head from right to left and from left to right the doctor has answered.
- How it is frequent?
- Every time when you are treated!

Wanted to dump five kilograms till summer, there were seven more!

The tattoo of "butterfly" on waist of the girl who has grown thin for 15 kg has turned back into caterpillar....

It is necessary to stop something urgently!. Or is, or to be weighed...

How it is possible to sleep peacefully, knowing that in kitchen in the refrigerator pie alone lies?

The brick put on refrigerator door will relieve your house of overeating and pleasantly diversifies night silence.

p has understood what it is already time to finish with diet when reaction to the insect who is running out from salad became not "Foo-at, well for muck?!", and "Where???!!!"

Has bought the Chinese tea for weight loss! With cake - it is cool!

Weight loss courses. 20 kg in week.
The Ryazan stone quarry to ask Pasha foreman.

The girl who is broken from diet to death has bitten to death cake.

There comes night... civilians fall asleep... wake up keeping to diet and are stolen to the refrigerator!

Season "I will grow thin by flying" appears closed...
Season "I will grow thin by New year!" - it is solemnly open!!!

- Perhaps will be enough already to guzzle?! Watch what ass of otjel!
- I want to tell you that the waiter you so-so.

- Pancake, your wife has so fine grown thin lately.
- And she had no place to disappear. Has bought for it smart, expensive clothes of which she even did not dream. But is two sizes less.

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